Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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