I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
