I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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