lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
