my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
