True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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