how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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