best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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