I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
