No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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