My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
