Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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