i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
