I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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