I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
