Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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