After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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