All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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