What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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