My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
