Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
