Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You are the jesus of drinking
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize