Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
