So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
