On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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