The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
