Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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