If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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