take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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