Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
