I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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