On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
