He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
