you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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