Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
