Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
