Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
