i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We had to coat check the pizza.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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