the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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