I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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