i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
