My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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