You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
