My nipple is on Facebook.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
