Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
