Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
