You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
