you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
