woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
