I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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