I bet he comes in French.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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