After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
