I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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