I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
