just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well I just put wine in my tea
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
